Posted by Annabelle Smith on December 15, 2010, at 19:14:01
In reply to Re: worse before better?, posted by emmanuel98 on December 14, 2010, at 21:43:48
I had my session this afternoon.
I don't know how to process it. It was not what the "thing" that I had hoped for, whatever that even is-- I don't know what I hoped for. I just know that my expectations are often let down because I get in there with so much on my mind, become nervous and can't say much of anything, especially in depth. Sometimes when he is talking to me, I can' focus; neither can I focus on my responses because I am trying to think what I must say next...I am thinking about all that I am not saying.So it was chaotic and I generally felt unpresent and unreal.
But I am trying to accept it for what it was. It wasn't all bad, even if I feel like I didn't act right/say the right things. It just was. We discussed some things that I have been wanting to talk about, but as is usual, I went to fast through it all and wasn't present. I am processing but forgot what exactly happened. My hands started tingling and went numb several times.
I will be gone for 4 weeks-- am leaving for home on Friday. That is going to be very hard. I view this as an interruption to my therapy; my therapist says he sees it as part of the process; I don't like that perspective. To me, it is an interruption. He was aware of our disagreeing perspectives and said he didn't want to seem invalidating by what he was saying-- so we just held both of our views there together in all of their difference, knowing they are both just perspectives.
We are going to have a phone session next week, so that will help, I hope.
It's just, when I am home, it is hard to know how to be. I am lost and confused. But I am here.
poster:Annabelle Smith
thread:973459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/973653.html