Posted by rnny on January 18, 2010, at 14:47:30
In reply to Confused by therapist, posted by widget on January 17, 2010, at 13:56:50
I had to laugh a little, kind of alot when I read your post. Please don't think I was laughing at you. I certainly wasn't. I know being in that situation certainly doen't feel funny when it is happening. I was laughing because it was kind of a nervous laugh as I have been though this same thing. The T I was seeing before the T I see now (she wound up being a temporary T as I couldn't stand listening to her problems anymore) was going throug a crisis. Her mother was dying (very sad I admit) and in hospice. She would tell me all about it, with details and I finally had to tell her, "Look, I know you need someone to talk to but I don't think I can help you with this. I am going through my own stuff which is why I am here". She would mention her mother numerous times and in fact one time the first words out of her mouth when I walked into the session was "my mother is doing OK". She would also tear up a few times. I knew this was not normal and actually told her on more than one occasion that I did not want to use therapy time discussing her mother. I was very out front about it after a while when I could see that she was incorporating talking about her mother into our sessions. In fact she and I actually got in a sort of argument once about how her mother should be taken care of and I thought "this is ridiculous, this has gone beyond the pale". If I was in your shoes because of my own experience I would in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS let your T know that you don't want to hear his personal or business issues again. That because of your own needs there is no way you can help him and furthermore, it takes away from your session time. Since it has only happened this once, dont embarras him by elaborating, just be up front. But you have to understand my old T was doing it more than once and I had to eventually be quite bold in telling her to cease and desist. But you have to let him know a) you can't help him because you are there for his help and b) his talking about his business or personal issues takes away from your session time. See, that is a delicate way of saying "you are not acting professional". Don't ignore the matter. He would likely not bring it up and hope it passes but it is important for you to bring it up and say what I just outlined here in a way that won't embarrass him and then after you have said it, move right into discussing your issues. Don't use the whole session discussing what happened because that will only be more of the same indirecly. One of the more shocking experiences I have had along these lines in my thearapy history was when I went to a T and told her I had my dog waiting in the car but she was OK because it was not too hot and windows were down enough for her to get a breeze but to be safe, doors were locked and my dog enjoyed coming out in the car rather than staying home. She said, "oh, you can bring your dog in next time" and I really liked that. She then asked me what kind of dog I had. I told her and for THE REST OF THE SESSION she talked about her dogs. I was sitting there with mouth gaping open and eyes bulging out because I could not believe what I was experiencing but I did not have the experience as a client at that point in my therapy life to know how to handle the situation or what to say. But I am not kidding you when I say she used the WHOLE session to talk about her dogs. I left really angry and shortly thereafter never went back. I was having a very hard time in life circumstantially and this T knew it and to use the whole session to talk about her dogs was out of the question. I love dogs but I am there to be helped. You hve to be open and honest with your T but don't let your next session turn into another rap session about his issues which could indirecly happen when you bring it up. Be frank with him. He is your emloyee. You have hired him. Let him know what his expectations are. He works for you. 5 1/2 years or not.
poster:rnny
thread:934057
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/934193.html