Posted by southernsky on December 16, 2009, at 9:52:01
In reply to Re: met with the T after rage fantasy » emilyp, posted by deerock on December 15, 2009, at 23:15:59
"so its much less about her not being able to tolerate much rage and more about her expressing discomfort and me completely ignoring it (perhaps)."
Deerock,
In one post you wrote about your T being uncomfortable with telling her of fantasies that include killing her dog you didn't show empathy when she was upset...I have to tell you that in my experience, it is one of the most uncomfortable feelings when someone is not able to connect with my painful feelings, to not recognize my humanness or acknowledge they have hurt me whether it be intentional or not. It is very triggering and feels objectifying. I would not expect a T to not be uncomfortable with this just becaues they are a T. It is human nature...T or not..emotionally stable or not...Has she told you she would be censoring you for now on? If so, then I would be worried...But for some reason, I do not think this is the case. I think what you said above is right on the mark-it wasn't about the fantasy itself, it was your reaction to her discomfort. It seems you already saw that blaming her for the anger you held was a transference feeling...If you look at your posts from the beginning, first you held her responsible (or 1/2 responsible) for your rage, and even blamed her for your having those feelings. Then you got pissed at her for reacting to it and having feelings and needs-for being upset. But from what you've written after speaking to her, it appears you completely understand the reality of the situation. You went from disillusion to learning, and seemingly to acceptance then hopefully now to problem solving.
You said "i think it is possible to express those feelings and be respectful"
I think it was Ligonberry who also said that and I totally agree with you....But it seems you are getting confused again, which is very understandable. You've said before you have blamed others for angry/rageful emotions (when perhaps the only person who can truly be blamed is a parent although we can't dwell on that and use as an excuse to not change), and wanted to invoke fear in others in the past.But I see considerable insight and a healthy way of understanding this situation on your part from what you've written here.
Our patterns of relating with others come out in therapy and are wayyyyy exaggerated, which you probably already know by now. I just said something to my T that he felt uncomfortable with; we did not make a point to discuss it because we were in the middle of discussing my issue at the time. I'm going to bring it up next time, though, because it reflects an unhealthy way I relate/have related to people. I think I hurt his feelings....In doing so, I saw a major insight reflecting on this when I got home later. Talking to him about this will only lead to my self growth-even if he points out what I said was unhealthy and disillusioned....
I guess what I want to say is that if you take every negative thing that comes out of therapy and see it as a learning situation, as unpleasant as they are, with a good T, the situations that upset you will lead to a positive outcome--your self growth. And it seems that is exactly what you have done here and i hope you stay on this path :P
poster:southernsky
thread:929464
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929538.html