Posted by workinprogress on December 15, 2009, at 0:30:31
In reply to Re: Help with Screening New Ts? » muffled, posted by TherapyGirl on December 14, 2009, at 9:53:54
Hey there TG!
I've been following, but haven't had the time to post and haven't always known what to say. I so feel for you during this time. I pretty much just can't imagine what it must be like for you. ((((((TG)))))))
I do think you all have had some nice moments, despite the pain. I was so happy to hear about the dialog between you- honest dialog- about her wanting to do the right thing and you honestly telling her that she keeps not doing it right. Seems like great practice for figuring out and asking for exactly what you need/want- as much as you can figure out. It sounds like you've figured out something in terms of contact- that's great. Muffled's right, it's important to have things as clear as possible.
And, for as much as she's gotten it wrong, her saying she wanted to do something for your birthday rang as pretty special to me. Of course, you totally deserve special!
FWIW- my T and I have done an annual (on our 1st and 2nd year anniversary) out of the office journey. It's in the summer luckily (and I don't know where you are and what the weather's like) so we're able to go to the park and have a picnic. It felt weird to me that we hadn't ever shared food- such an important thing to a relationship I think. But, much more private than a restaurant. Is there anyplace special you'd like to show her? Is there something you'd like to experience with her?
Also- ask for whatever you want/need and if you feel like she might need a heads up beforehand or that you need to paint her the picture, do so. My guess is that if you don't do that and she doesn't do what you need her to do, it isn't because she doesn't care, but just that she's not in your head. Those last two picnics, I so wanted to hold my T's hand as we walked to our spot. I'm 99% sure she would have let me (she hugs and isn't afraid of physical contact), but that 1% made me afraid to ask. I promised myself next year I would...
She clearly cares about you... and like someone said- you all are just both trying to figure out how to do something neither of you know how to do.
Sending love your way...
WIP
> Thanks, Muffly. I'm still thinking about WHERE we would meet. I think you are right -- it can't be where there are hundreds of people around.
>
> At first, I will have contact with her about once every three weeks -- either visits, phone calls or email. She wants to do something with me on my birthday, which is about 3 weeks after she leaves. She will be moving in February.
>
> I really appreciate your support through this -- you are a good friend. There are so many good people here, even with all the uproar.
>
> (((((((((Babblers))))))))))))
poster:workinprogress
thread:928559
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929302.html