Posted by pegasus on August 5, 2009, at 13:15:57
In reply to Re: Managing a therapeutic relationship » pegasus, posted by Dinah on August 5, 2009, at 11:20:24
Dinah, I wouldn't be surprised if you were right. I bet some people don't have as much capacity to become attached and/or internalize a T. I imagine that it's probably on a continuum. I guess I'm lucky that it worked out for me. I wish I knew what the variables are that determine whether it'll work. One thing is that I think I'm fortunate to have a lot of good support resources. Even so, it was about all I could take.
I also have had object constancy problems. And despite the pretty picture I painted in my last post, I have gone back and forth a lot in terms of believing in that relationship, and having my ex-T internalized. But what has improved is that I know that, and I do remind myself of that when I get into the dark side where I think I'm worthless and no one would ever remember or care about me. What I'm able to do now that I couldn't before is say, "Whoa now. That's the black. I want the white. What could be the gray that is probably the truth. That gray is actually pretty good, isn't it?"
I would think that fourteen years could be considered giving it a decent try. From what you say, though, it sounds to me as though you have internalized your T quite a bit. Maybe not perfectly, but I hear you saying that you are fully aware that he cares about you. I think that awareness is part of it. Maybe not the warmest, fuzziest part. And yet, do you think you could have been so aware of it 14 years ago?
peg
poster:pegasus
thread:910319
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/910398.html