Posted by SLS on July 23, 2009, at 14:08:10
In reply to Re: She says it's chemical » Tabitha, posted by antigua3 on July 23, 2009, at 12:18:18
> I've been where you are many times. Is this as good as it gets? was always my question. Should I just accept it and get on with my life? has hit me time and time again.
It is a difficult balance to maintain. I think one can accept the moment for what it is and live it to its fullest while acknowledging that he wishes for things to get better. I have spent a great deal of time not trying because I wanted to wait until I was well enough for things to become easier. I wouldn't accept the moment for what it was, so I really wasn't living. I was waiting.
> But, I couldn't let myself believe that. It's partly what Scott said, but for me it was just having faith
Yes. There have been quite a few times when I saw no way out. I was convinced that my brain was too far gone for treatment to work. I had nothing else to hold onto but faith.
> perhaps that faith has been misguided at times,
Yes. But what better choice is there?
> but I just had to have faith that things would get better. Because if this was as good as it got, I couldn't live this way.
I know. Thankfully, I have vivid memories of times when I emerged from depression as the result of treatment. These periods of improvement have been very brief, but they have also been very dramatic to experience. Because of this, I knew how good it gets, and I was sure that depression was not it.
I don't know how I would deal with one more drug failure. I consider lithium to be my last chance. So far, I have been responding well, but I have a history of improvements lasting a few days to a few weeks. If lithium does not provide the answer that I so badly need, then I will have to rely on faith in order to maintain hope. In the meantime, I would have to learn how to live with what I have instead of remaining stuck waiting indefinitely for things to change. The only truth I know is what exists in the moment. As far as the Truth is concerned, I don't believe I can know it. That's for God to know. Therein lies the uncertainty. Up until now, that has been enough for me.
So much easier said than done.
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:908121
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090706/msgs/908198.html