Posted by mollieQ on May 13, 2009, at 13:48:35
In reply to Is this the end of therapy? Long, posted by Daisym on May 12, 2009, at 23:36:42
Daisy,
The feelings you describe are so painful. Clearly this has been a very difficult period for you and your T. But one thing I am absolutely certain of is that your therapy is not over. You may even be poised to enter a new phase in your therapy accompanied by a new sort of trust with your T.
You have had a lot of thoughtful responses from people here. Apart from the things others have raised, it seems to me that you are wrestling with what I think is the hardest and most complicated issue in any attachment-based therapy. The dilemma is, how can the connection youve worked so hard to establish make space for your healing? Can we stay connected from the healthy parts of us instead of only the damaged parts? And maybe the biggest of all - does getting better mean getting abandoned? This is not your paranoia, it's a real and meaningful question. Of course its going to rear its head, and this has probably not been the first time nor will it be the last. It is something that will need revisiting, over and over and over. And it will probably look a little different each time.Dont look back on all youve accomplished with skepticism. You know that he has believed you all along and that he has held you, tenderly and faithfully, throughout the years. You know you mean a lot to him. Dont question that now, dont devalue the connection you have fought so hard for. You have a very caring and empathic T, Daisy. He understands your ambivalence and most likely feels some himself. He knows the score. If you are sensing some frustration on his part, it is only because hes human. His is a tough job, to hold you without holding you back. And I think he is mostly aware of the level of attachment and trust you have for him. But while trust is earned, it also has to be given. Maybe he is a little hurt, maybe that is part of what is going on between you. It is a difficult business.
I hope you can hang in there and continue to talk with him and remain engaged. Try to recognize when the old voices get inside your head and in your way. Your T is on your side and just wants whats best for you - your healing. You are both on the same side.
I wrestle with this too.
Mollie
poster:mollieQ
thread:895460
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/895559.html