Posted by yellowbird01 on May 8, 2009, at 18:12:13
Well, it's almost mothers day. That always brings up some stress for me.... what to do? Send a card? Do nothing? Try my best to live in denial that it's even happening? I imagine I'm not the only one here who has an interesting relationship (or lack thereof) with their mother and questions in their head when this holiday (and father's day too) comes around. What do you do?
I'm somewhat open at work about my family and my past experiences with them. I work in the child abuse/neglect field so this type of sharing isnt really a big deal or unusual. I mentioned today to a coworker that I'm not planning on doing anything. My mother lives two hours away and we only speak once every few months. If I dont call her, she doesnt call me. She has neglected me my entire life and made it obvious many times that I'm a low priority. Because of that, buying a card or making any effort towards a mothers day thank you isnt really a high priority for me. I know anything sent would get no recognition. It makes me angry to think of having to go out of my way for her when she is so unwilling to do anything for me (like visit me in the hospital when I had emergency surgery, etc). Anyway, my coworker feels that it's very wrong of me not to at least send a card, even given her issues. She said that I only have one mother and I need to take what I can get, even if it is crappy. She said that by not even sending a card, I'm acting the same way (and just as badly) as my mother and I cant blame her for not reaching out if I do the same thing. She said that I'm enabling and encouraging my mother's behavior by doing staying away and not trying to connect either. None of this was said in a mean way... she meant to be helpful... but I just dont know. I tried to explain that staying away is more about self protection and being independent from them. Even though it shouldnt, it still stings when they act badly, and for me, acceptance of who they are has included just staying away to protect myself. Now what my coworker said has brought up a lot of questions and I'm feeling pretty bad/guilty and questioning myself a lot. For any who dont know, I'm 26 years old and have lived on my own for 8 years now.
Is it wrong NOT to make any recognition of mother's day? What are your thoughts? If you have issues with family, how do you handle these holidays?
poster:yellowbird01
thread:894800
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/894800.html