Posted by LadyBug on February 12, 2009, at 10:10:55
I know I'm not as active on the board as I used to be. I know this board helped me a great deal. Some of you are new. Some people have come and gone. Some people have been here for a long time. We all struggle in many different ways or none of us would be here.
Today, I wanted to share with you how I feel now that it's been 2 months since my T retired. I'm ok. I never imagined I would make it without my T. I leaned on her, I needed her, and I loved her. I miss her. But, it's ok. I'm doing ok without therapy and without seeing her. I can always bring her into my mind and have a conversation with her. I can always love her. For years the thoughts of not seeing her frightened me. I would be devastated not to have her in my life. But I'm not now.
For those of you with similar feelings about your T or for therapy. Let me offer you some hope.
There is life after therapy!
I met her, I worked my heart out with her. It was hard work and painful. The attachment was incredibly difficult. In looking back, wondering if it was all worth it, I would say yes. She gave me a sense of self worth. She helped me feel a huge hole inside. She helped me feel more solid. I realize I did most the work myself but without her to help me with my thought process, I don't know where I'd be right now. Still full of pain, the hole inside would be bigger than I could handle.
Always have hope in something. Hope that you can become good enough. Not completely healed, but OK. OK is just that, it's enough.
I know it's only been a short time since I've seen her but already it's easier than it was during the first few weeks. Termination wasn't my choice. I had to except it and move into it. It went well.
I know my story won't be like everyone's. My therapy wasn't like anyone's. It was mine. I invested a lot of time and money into healing my childhood injuries. It was worth it.
I think about my T a lot and I probably always will. I assume over time it will become less and less. We crossed paths and it will effect me in many ways forever. I like that thought.
Have HOPE today when you feel you can't handle anymore.
Thanks for letting me share this.
LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:879616
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879616.html