Posted by wittgensteinz on February 11, 2009, at 3:49:47
In reply to Therapist retired but we still are in contact., posted by Freudiannic on February 10, 2009, at 18:06:13
Hi Freudiannic,
I also see a retired analyst (he's retired from academic work but continues to see a small number of patients) - although for me it's clear I am a patient and there are boundaries. Each month I get a bill which I must pay within the month.
You write of a bill from 2005 - did your T send it to you to ask you to pay or was it simply a reminder that you had paid him at that point? Do you still pay to have the phone sessions with your T or is it simply 'informal' contact? I can see why the boundaries are confusing, especially after having seen him in a strictly therapeutic context for so long.
You say you see him as a father - this in itself doesn't seem 'wrong' or worrying - many people have parental transferences in therapy. I suppose, what is important is the question: Does he treat you like his daughter? How does he respond to your fatherly transference?
If he continues to have contact with you, e-mails and phone calls, and there is no arrangement of payment, it could be good to ask him what he gets from the relationship with you? Could it be that over the long years of therapy together that a friendship has formed and you are now keeping in touch as friends? I find 'Mentor/Mentee' quite a vague description of roles and can see why it leaves you feeling uncertain. How do you perceive the relationship with him? Is he still your therapist or do you also listen to his concerns/worries and help him? My feeling is that patients can keep in touch with their therapists after 'termination', perhaps to give updates, but the roles of patient and therapist always remain and the T remains responsible for keeping boundaries.
My thought from reading your posts is that you are still living in the world of therapy and not so much in the real world - specifically you are considering moving so as to be closer to your T - is there no way your T could help you become more independent or that you might see a new T who could help you process this complex relationship with your previous T? Just because you have done many years of psychodynamic work doesn't mean this would not be suitable with a new T.
I hope you can find your way through all of this.
Witti
poster:wittgensteinz
thread:879299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879393.html