Posted by obsidian on October 24, 2008, at 21:53:24
In reply to Re: my feelings were hurt today :-(, posted by lucie lu on October 24, 2008, at 20:53:13
he started the session by telling me he would be away next week
and then I started to tell him how I am so anxious I am ripping the skin around my fingers
and about how I might really want to have children, because I am not sure I can stand the thought of not having one
but how my boyfriend and I (who I have been with for 16 years without getting married) is not someone I feel connected with
It hurts me to think that they might experience him as a father (I mean as absent), and I just can't do it, can't let someone feel what that's like
and this is all coming up because one of my very precious friends, I mean a really good friend of mine called and wanted to know that I was really ok and not dead
but somehow the fact that she had children and moved away really gets me, but I really do care so much about her, so I am going to have to deal with some feelings because I think part of me is so very jealous, and I am having a hard time dealing with it
but then I tell him, it doesn't matter...I know nothing is going to change for me
If I want to have children I have to accept that their father will be unable to love them in some really important ways, and I don't know if I can handle that.One of the things I have done is get a kitten. A beautiful little kitten, an awkward sweet little thing. I am very concerned that this cat be not at all traumatized by me. When I have gotten angry at this cat, like when she's scratched me by accident, I have felt really badly, and I have to make it right. I am really invested in making sure she's not too scared about anything. ...and I think about what this world is like, and I think "how can I bring someone into this?"
but my boyfriend might have to move his job down south, and he has asked me a couple of times to move down there, and he didn't go because of me
so, I told him the other day...if you have to go there, then go, I'll stay up here and join you later...
and then there was the little conversation about "how are you going to take care of yourself?"by getting as high as I possibly can of course
poster:obsidian
thread:859040
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/859199.html