Posted by Partlycloudy on October 1, 2008, at 7:55:13
I just started going to another women's support group that my T (and my old T - they work together, which is truly comforting for me!) are running. The basis of the group is the book "Circle of Stones". The premise of the book is to wonder how our lives would be different if we had been brought up in a totally nurturing environment, with generations of maternal family experience and wisdom to guide us in our journeys.
To say that I had a chip on my shoulder at this thought is an understatement. "That's not at all what MY reality was," I was thinking to myself. My mom was distant and emotionally absent, and I got no wisdom or nurturing from her or any other female family members growing up. We're all estranged from each other, and instead I am usually full of resentment at what I imagine I've missed out on - compared to whom, I'm not exactly certain, since I don't have any real life role models to look to.
But yesterday in therapy I was talking about how I felt all whiny in the first group meeting, and how I didn't feel like I was getting it, but was just feeling sorry for my past and my situation still with my mother. And then I started to talk about how much I loved, just absolutely LOVED, every single one of my teachers, all the way through primary school, up to about halfway through high school. I felt affection, support, validation, encouragement, and yes, even love from each one of them. And my T pointed out that each of those teachers was able in their own way to take on the role of that nurturing mother - even to the point, in one case, of making a couple of home visits (T thinks the teacher probably had some serious concerns about my home situation and wanted to see for herself what was going on).
Again, I'm back to reframing. To be able to see the love and support that I got from those wonderful teachers as substitutes for what I wish I had been able to get from my mother just shifted my reality to this healthier place for me. I'm not feeling like this deserted, emotionally starved little girl, but someone who was able to find what she so badly needed from other people - they were able to fill that role for me.
It was so cool.
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:855052
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/855052.html