Posted by Daisym on April 26, 2008, at 16:34:02
In reply to Re: Understanding what is happening to me - SI tri » B2chica, posted by seldomseen on April 26, 2008, at 7:10:34
I'm sorry I've been gone and not around to support you as you enter this very painful part of therapy. You are doing really hard work and it is very painful.
I started a particular form of SI in my 40s...I think it is the internal pain that drives it, not your age. And I completely agree that much of it is about externalizing the pain, having something to focus on when your insides are exploding.
I also think it is about control - regaining control over the pain and the beginning and end of it. And controlling the wound - how big, how deep, how messy, how obvious - do you hide your scars or show them to the world, daring someone to ask about it.
And SI is often a reenactment - the build up of stress, anxiety and pain - then the wounding part (doesn't matter that it is self-inflicted) and then the relief that it is over and the shame of the act. Your psyche is struggling to release profound pain after keeping it crushed for so long. It is hard to find positive ways of coping. This is a major reason I have so many session per week. I just couldn't cope with the flood or contain the feelings alone.
I'm glad your therapist is "on call" for this. I think a journal is a great idea. Know that the ride is rocky but it does smooth out here and there and the moments of healing, when they come, make it worth the difficult journey.
poster:Daisym
thread:825210
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/825613.html