Posted by raisinb on January 18, 2008, at 13:13:55
In reply to Bad Session -- it's worse than ever..., posted by TherapyGirl on January 17, 2008, at 20:26:27
Hi TG, I can identify with a lot of what you've said. I can almost predict that whenever I feel bad, my T will make me feel worse. It's complicated by the fact that I then criticize her response to me, she argues, and things just deteriorate from there.
There's also *nothing* that makes me madder than voicing real disappointment, sadness, or anger-- then her telling me it's really my feelings about my mother/father--or, one of her classics, "I feel like you've felt like this in other situations," which is the same thing, mildly disguised. I certainly feel criticized. We have this argument over and over. I want sympathy and support, to be heard; she wants to analyze.
This time (it happened again, recently, over something that's not important), I decided to adopt a line that a client used in In Session, "No. This is about our relationship and what I need from you." I kept saying that, calmly, or a version of it, over and over. And you know what? I won. I got what I was asking for (a different response from her) and I feel like I have a little more power in the relationship.
I don't know if this is what's called for in your situation, but if you feel strongly about your own position, maybe you should just keep stating it. Stick to your guns and believe in yourself (I know, easier said than done, especially when it is your T you're fighting with). But she might hear you eventually.
At the very least, I can say that it was really good for me to learn that I could disagree with my T and not destroy the relationship or my own emotional stability. As a matter of fact, it feels good to know that it might really hurt to be estranged from her, but that I'm not gonna abandon myself and my own needs just to keep the connection.
The tension between what we ourselves need and what is needed for a relationship is really hard--and something I haven't figured out yet, but it seems like so many fights with Ts are about that.
poster:raisinb
thread:807319
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080114/msgs/807421.html