Posted by RealMe on August 16, 2007, at 22:05:59
In reply to Re: I opened up but he pushed me away :(, posted by Wittgenstein on August 16, 2007, at 15:40:18
This sort of reminds me of my therapist who is an analyst too. Early on, like around the the second or third session he said something about how before we were done, we would have an intimate relationship. I knew he did not mean sexually and that it would mean for me and what I reveal and not what he reveals about himself; Rather it would be how he responds to me and is of help to me so that I can learn to trust again. csa has a way of causing easy hurt and difficult trust later in life. Also makes you susceptible unfortunately to trusting the wrong people.
Anyway, My T also mentioned something about me maybe having sexual feeling for him, and this freaked me too as I was afraid I would, and then what!! How could I tell him. Well it happened, and I never said anything until before our session on Tuesday, but I emailed it to him with a bunch of other stuff. On Tuesday I acted like I could not remember everything I wrote. So, I will address it tomorrow morning. I have promised myself I will. I hope he doesn't make some flippant remark as seems to have happened to you. My therapist has joked about my "faces" and has said he loved the faces I make. But then he said they reveal something about the inner me, and I did not think it was so funny anymore. He was right of course, but then when he sort of joked about a face I made last week, I told him later that it really hurts when he laughs as it feels like he is making fun of me even though I know that is not his intent. Of course he got real serious and wanted me to say more about that, and I did, and of course it all relates back to either my mother or my csa or other stuff back when. My mother used to be emotionally absent and would act like I never told her about something that bothered me when I would bring it up again. "XXXX, why didn't you tell me?" Crazy making sh*t.
So, hang in there and try to be honest with your T about how it made you feel when he made his what seemed to you as a fippant and hurtful remark. He is not perfect, and neither is my T. I know I was not always perfect either when I did therapy with people, and I always appreciated it when someone would tell me how what I said hurt their feelings or whatever as T's learn about patients this way and what are sensitivities which of course harken back to an earlier time. Hope this helps; if not, toss it and ignore.
RealMe (forerly OzLand)
poster:RealMe
thread:776504
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/776721.html