Posted by llurpsienoodle on June 27, 2007, at 17:20:10
In reply to Re: I want people to like me, posted by Worry Girl on June 26, 2007, at 21:08:22
> I understand the expectations you sometimes have of others.
>
> For the longest time I mistakenly thought and let others tell me, too, that I cared what people thought and had low self-esteem because I wanted EVERYONE to like me. To many I come across as a people pleaser.
>
> It finally dawned on me, though, that often the real reason I over-accommodate is not so everyone will "like" me, it is because I don't want them to be cruel to me.
> And of course, being nice to cruel people often just makes them worse. Certain people will never like me even if I stand on my head and blow hundred dollar bills out of my behind. And I've taken much stress out of my life by ignoring these toxic people. The nice ones are nice regardless of what I do or don't do. It's a shame I didn't wake up sooner.
>
> And I do enjoy being nice to those I truly like. What is wrong is when my niceness is motivated by fear of rejection or cruelty.
>
> I do think your T was paying you a compliment.WorryGirl (your name betrays you!)- I pride myself on being able to get along with difficult people. But maybe I attract difficult people by doing so.
niceness as an ill-motivated impulse to avoid cruelty or rejection. Can we do anything else to avoid cruelty or rejection (besides not having the bad guys over for dinner?)
just wondering your thoughts, I think you hit the nail on the head.
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:766002
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/766256.html