Posted by Dinah on May 4, 2007, at 20:56:57
In this case, high water. We both had to battle floodwaters to get to his office, and since my vehicle is built higher than his, I got there first and waited for him.
I felt bad about leading him to believe that it would upset me to miss therapy today. But strange thing is that for the first time in a long time, it really would. For the first time in a long time, I really felt like I needed to see him. Since last session. Just like it used to be.
I'm not sure how I feel about that. I think I've been fighting attachment as hard as I've been trying to reattach. It feels good to really really care again. It feels scary to really really care again. Maybe that small flood today gave a preview of why it's scary. And a reminder.
When we settled down, he asked me what I wanted to talk about, and I smiled at him and said "absolutely nothing".
And that's what we talked about. We talked about things that have come up on Babble. We exchanged kidney stone stories. I clarified that it wasn't all mentions of his family that upset me. He reminded me that while his family always came first in his decisions, he though of me a lot when he was making decisions. We watched the water on the road fall. I talked about how I was feeling attached again. At the end I asked him something about attachment and he sat for a while before answering. I accused him of thinking too much before answering and he admitted that he was merely admiring his new glasses, and not thinking much at all.
Oh, and when his cell phone vibrated, I shared with him the suggestion that I answer it next time, and told him I was thinking about it. :D I even shared some of the debated messages I should give as I answered. :)
I'm not sure it made enough of an impression on him. I didnt' see him turn it off. But as it happened, it didn't ring again anyway.
I don't think I'll ever understand why it's him. It's not like I have any illusions at all about him. But it doesn't matter. It's still him. Maybe because he'll come through heck and high water to sit and talk about nothing at all?
poster:Dinah
thread:755898
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/755898.html