Posted by LadyBug on April 27, 2007, at 11:52:04
In reply to not better, just different -, posted by one woman cine on April 27, 2007, at 8:11:50
Wow, I love it when I can figure it out.
I had my appointment yesterday with my T. I talked a lot about my feelings about this. About my thinking she's so much better than I am. I know she is, so what? I was sad and angry when I left but I realized much. I somehow in my twisted mind, look to other's to find my sense of self.
Wow, how didn't I figure this one out years ago. I've been seeing my T for 10 years! I look forward to seeing her most of the time. I love her, she is good and I mostly feel good when I'm in her presence. But that goodness doesn't alway come out her door with me. I have to find my own goodness and stop wishing for her goodness to be mine.
As far as the bad feelings I have for myself, I take those in from my husband. When he makes mistakes, I feel horrible inside myself as if I did the bad things he's done. I feel like a dirt bag loser when he does things, after all he's my husband and I'm a reflection of him. I chose to marry him there fore I am scum.In my mind, I know this is crazy thinking. I need to find my own sense of self. I can't continue to wish I can borrow my T's sense of her good self. And I can't continue on taking my husband's bad and making myself feel like I'm bad.
I know I'm not explaining this very well. Sorry, my mind is on overload today. I'm mad at my T for not making me feel better, but it's not her job to make me feel better! That's my work.
I'm so glad it's Friday. I'm going to a park later today to hang out with some friends.
I wish I could hide under a blanket for a few hours and write in my journal. I'm spent!!! And empty!!!My gratitude for having a place to sort through my feelings and thoughts~~~~~~~~~~~
LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:753687
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/753956.html