Posted by wishingstar on February 28, 2007, at 12:18:38
In reply to (((wishingstar))) (nm) » wishingstar, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2007, at 21:48:12
Thank you everyone for your kind responses.. and thank you to the people in chat last night for talking to me. The entire night is sort of a blur now, even the part where I thought I'd "gotten it together", so I'm not real sure how I presented myself or anything like that. I'm sorry if I said anything wacky.
I woke up and felt okay this morning. Actually had an hour or 2 of "I dont need Ginny, I can get a new T, it'll be fine".. not sure if that was healthy coping or the steel walls I built overnight.. probably the latter.
I just got home from work about 30 min ago. Short day. Starting to feel really bad again. Not dangerous-bad like last night, but just really, really hurting. Having trouble functioning. Havent eaten really all day.. nothing appeals to me right now.
Ginny called and left a message while I was at work and said she wasnt available to call later, during the times I'd be available. But she said she was curious what happened last night... reminded me of our conversation in chat list night Dinah about them having no idea what can set off a breakdown. But she said she wants me to tell my pdoc (I have an appt today at 3:40), which I will. And she said shes leaving my appt open tomorrow because it sounds like I need to talk about "what happened last night". I'm still leaning towards not going. If I decide not to, I dont know if I should call and say so, but I probably wont since my first message did say I wasnt coming. I just feel too vulnerable right now and dont have the emotional energy to deal with this situation. Anything more than "it'll be ok, it'll be ok" is just too much. I cant stand to be pushed or told (even gently) that this is over the top and I need to stop. I wouldnt be able to handle it. Maybe thats dumb, but I think it's good to know yourself and what you can and cant handle at times.
I got another new client today at work. Went to her home.. it's a 14-year old girl.. and she was wearing a tank top with self-inflicted cuts all up her arm. Hey, I needed an extra trigger today! I felt myself comparing hers to mine in my mind. Even so, I'm excited for the case.. I think I have a shot at reaching this girl. We'll see.
And that's that.
poster:wishingstar
thread:736862
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/737051.html