Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 19, 2007, at 22:58:26
In reply to Re: talking through crisis *trigger* » Llurpsie_Noodle, posted by scratchpad on February 19, 2007, at 21:24:52
Well,
in retrospect, that was the most psychotic I've ever been. I felt yuck on saturday, great on sunday and yuck today. I'm going to consult with professionals this week. like T and pdoc, and see what they decide to do with/to me.I feel like a lab rat though. I really really *hope* that I never ever ever have another crisis like that one again. Definitely very scary. Quite different from the depressed "i can't stand the pain, i want it to end" crises I've weathered in the past. more like "i can't stand the fear/ i don't know who to trust/ i can't make the bad thoughts and nightmares go away/ i can't find a safe place in my mind from my own self-destructive instinct"
And yeah, I did something I haven't done in a long time. I cut myself. superficial, but very very methodically. I would have done worse, but the cutting seemed to suffice.
Hanging in there though. My neurotransmission is very unreliable these days. Never know when I'm going to feel well enough to leave the house. Some days I don't have the option of wallowing in my psychologic/somatic misery...
thanks for asking though. If you knew me, you'd never know how raving I was on friday night.
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:733448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/734350.html