Posted by littleone on December 18, 2006, at 19:39:31
In reply to Great! Getting LONGER....... » littleone, posted by muffled on December 18, 2006, at 0:56:22
> I don’t usu. go right out now. I recently figgered, when I find myself being very still, and working VERY hard at trying to listen and understand my T’s words, that I am actually dissociating at that time.
You are doing very well muffled. They are very good things to recognise. It sounds like you are recognising it just at the stage where you start to dissociate. Keep working at this. After a while you will learn to recognise it coming on sooner. I think that as you work on this more and more, you become more adept at learning to see what’s happening.
And if you have strategies to try out as soon as you feel it starting like this, then it should become easier to pull out of it. Perhaps it would help to write your list of strategies and give a copy to your T. So if you have trouble you can send her a signal of some sort and she can help remind you of your strategies to try.
> So moving helps get out of blank? Like do you stand up? I jiggle a lot all the time. I tend to get very still when I blank. I try to shift position in my chair early on, but that doesn’t seem to help as far as I know….
Well, I have a bit of a hangup over trying to be invisible, so I never moved at all during a session. So the moving I mention here was just shifting my foot or turning my head a bit or blinking or scratching or something small like that. Because any movement is so loaded for me, I found that that was all I needed.
I’m not sure if you have a hangup over moving, so if not, you may need to move more than I did. Like I imagine that standing up would work very well, but then I’m not sure if that’s too scary for you (or just too hard when you’re zoned out). Perhaps it’s more about finding something that you can focus on and that helps you feel your body. I’ve heard that textures work really well. So perhaps you could take something rough or smooth or furry or whatever to your session. Then your strategy might be something like: reach into bag and pull out pebble/sandpaper/stuffed toy/fabric swatch/etc. Look at item and feel it. Stand up when able.
I know that I would never remember all that once I got foggy, but if I just memorised that I have to reach into my bag, then I think it becomes a little easier to do that when you need it.
I think your strategy will need to be very personal. Only you know how much movement/focus/etc you are capable of when you blank. And you may find afterwards that you need to refine it. Like say you picked something smooth, you may find it doesn’t bring you back – that it actually encourages you to dissociate further. You need to find a strategy that works for you.
> I think I am at the brink of that. I don’t wantto be foggy, but I guess part of me does.
You’re probably right. I guess it comes down to recognising that foggy/blank provides safety. It’s only once you start staying un-foggy/blank sometimes that you start to learn that your T is safe. That talking about bad things can be safe. That there are ways to stay safe without retreating to the blank. It’s hard to let go of a safety net without knowing there is another one in place. I think this just built up gradually for me.
> What things work for you to comfort and sooth?
There’s the things I put in sunnydays’ thread. I found that I love hiking and birds and photography, so if I’m finding things hard, I make sure I go hiking with my camera. I’ve started to learn that I can do what’s best for me, rather than what other people expect me to do, eg this is the third year in a row that I haven’t done Christmas. I still find it very hard to say no, but I find that it has been much better for my mental health to say no to certain things. I’m sure there is other stuff, but I just can’t think of it right now.
> I am TERRIFIED of feelings. I just gonna have to feel, that’s all there is to it. And find out they OK.
It helped me to learn that no feeling lasts forever. Even the very worst and scary ones. I had to be mindful of this, so every time I realised a feeling had passed, I would use that to remind me that no feelings last forever and to build up proof of that. I had to learn to believe that to make it safer to feel.
> Safety. Can you explain more about safety?
I find safety really hard to think about and build up. There’s not a lot written about it. And what is out there pretty much just says that you have to find ways to feel safer. But it rarely gives suggestions on how to do this. I’ve read that you could try:
- sitting facing the door in your T’s office
- asking your T to remove triggering books from his/her bookcase
- adjusting the lighting in your T’s office
- altering seating arrangementsBut none of these were things I could ask for or do.
I think my T very quietly tried to make things safer for me. But it wasn’t until he made the idea of building safety really explicit that I was able to even think about this. I think that I have never felt safe, so I couldn’t even realise that I felt un-safe. I think the best I could do was realise when I felt petrified.
So I think my T has done a lot to build safety for me, but I’m not aware of the things he has done. I think most of it was about making me feel safer about him. But some things I am aware of are:
- we played cards for a while to try and help me feel more comfortable.
- I’ve always felt exposed and on display in my chair, so we worked up to me sitting on the floor. Then he sat on the floor with me, but started to get a sore back from that. So he now sits on a low box in front of me on the floor.
- I have notes from him that help me feel safer.
- he allows me to come to sessions hours early if I want so I can relax and feel safer in the waiting room.
- I know that I feel safer with routine, so there are aspects of our sessions that are the same every time.
- I know he is constantly doing a very tricky balancing act between allowing me to feel safe and challenging me. I think he is very good at this balance.
- He gives me time to think and time to work up to saying stuff. This makes it safer for me to try to work up courage to say stuff.
- I think that him making his acceptance of me very explicit has helped with safety a lot. Made it a lot safer for parts to talk to him.
- he has never ever gotten mad at me. That has been vitally important for me.
- I take my little stuffed bird and hanky and comfort book to every session.
- I read my little fur story book before sessions in the waiting room.
- In the waiting room I flick through a book I have of very beautiful landscape and nature photos. And it has really healing quotes throughout it.I’m sure there’s other stuff, but I can’t think of them right now.
> How can I stop the ‘cut off’ when I start to feel feelings? Its automatic.
Yeah, mine is really automatic too. Have found this very hard. Still do. I think I try to recognise that I’ve cut off and then force myself to look at what the issue is or what the feeling is. Except even that is very very hard. It’s like forcing someone to turn their head around to look at something, but they still keep their eyes tightly shut.
I think the forcing isn’t helping me.
I think this is where caring for parts helps. Being patient with them. Helping them feel safer. Using other methods like painting, drawing, etc.
I think also that I would work on *thinking* about understanding why I cut off. Identify which issue upset me and then think about why it is threatening. It’s like the thinking still keeps me separate from my feelings, but at least I am doing some work on the issue. Just gradually build up to being able to feel. Not sure if I’m making sense now.
> Would it be OK if I show this to my T?
Go right ahead.
poster:littleone
thread:714598
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/714881.html