Posted by 10derHeart on November 21, 2006, at 11:12:46
In reply to what is your contat with former T if any?, posted by shrinking violet on November 21, 2006, at 9:41:55
Hi sv,
So glad when you come back around here :-)
I can email my ex-T (pdoc) any time and he always answers. He'll even apologize if it takes a while 'cause he's been on vacation or very busy. Which is silly as he doesn't owe me that, but very polite of him.
We ended therapy 2.5 years ago when he moved across country and it was terribly difficult for me. I've always told him the fact he chose to allow the emails afterwards was brave of him (never had this situation before in 16 years of practice) and the most healing thing he ever did for me.
It is one-way only in the sense he *never* initiates an email (same with my current T) as that is apparently a boundary of his, but he does faithfully answer, and the *door* will remain open indefinitely, I believe. This helped me so much to let go and attach to current T...I can't even put in words how deeply grateful I'll always be.
But, sv, I don't think this was an average, or customary response. I think this pdoc is unusually gifted and sensitive in certain areas and was willing to go with a gut feeling when *all* his training told him 'no'....or more accurately, there was no training to fall back on re: termination. Sadly, I think many T's must feel their way through as this topic just isn't addressed. Or wasn't back when he was learning. Maybe things are getting better? He wrote to me once, after I asked why he was willing to keep it up (we emailed regularly for almost 1 year) "If I didn't think this contact was helpful or therapeutic for you, I wouldn't let it continue. But I do." ...or something like that.
What I'm saying is, based on Babblers posts and other reading, my situation is really an exception. IMO, it shouldn't have to be, but it is. This is a very special man who was a special blessing to my life. Now, I send birthday greeting, holidays cards (mostly e-cards)and I can tell by his answers he's happy to hear from me and sometimes touched.
Guess I'd better go read your dvd post above....hope you're doing better these days.
-- 10derHeart
poster:10derHeart
thread:705783
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061109/msgs/705802.html