Posted by ElaineM on September 7, 2006, at 11:09:30
In reply to Re: Tomorrow » ElaineM, posted by llrrrpp on September 7, 2006, at 8:39:01
muffly, caraher, LL - you are lovely, always helping :-) I didn't cancel my time yet, and I'm going to leave for T soon, so by the time I will get back it'll be too late to back out (they need 24hours notice). So, I WILL see her after my session tomorrow.
I haven't SI -- more like a version of the ice-cube thing muff mentioned (I had no idea other people had half-coping alternatives like that too :-) Really, I did not expect to find support with that issue too - I didn't think it was as common).
I am okay to have my session today. Your speaking to me helps. I carry you words with me, and I kind of use the idea of you all to make me feel accountable, and to let me feel like somebody would notice whatever decisions I make and fight to live by. It's too hard to try when you feel like, Whatever, no one would give a d@mn, or even notice if I self-destruct. So, I suppose I use you for that, and hope that I'm not asking too much. And when a person knows more, I'm always thankful that they are strong enough, and kind enough to hear me.
I'm trying to learn to not feel guilty for not revealing everything, and recognize that everyone probably holds something back. It doesn't mean I'm hiding my badness to be worthy of support -- just keeping some stuff to myself, off screen.
Today feels like the eye of the storm -- pink shoes and word hugs and unbroken skin. But at least I've made the decision to go tomorrow -- at least that's decided. And I'll have one more day of speaking in-person to a lovely shadow of LadyT.
EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:682157
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/683953.html