Posted by ElaineM on August 5, 2006, at 23:51:22
In reply to Confronting my mum (another long one), posted by littleone on August 5, 2006, at 22:47:55
Hi littleone, I haven't met you before :-) I think issues about parents are really hard. Hard to realize, hard to bring up and work on, hard to have to let go of. I'm not sure what the right solution to your send/not send dilemma is.
It sounds like you are trying to come to terms with the fact that your mom may never be the mother you want, and was never the mother you deserved. I know what that feels like -- the rejection. I've had a similar confrontation-type encounter about asking, begging?, for help -- a plea for help that I first starved myself trying to express. And she turned away too.
But no matter how much my parents hurt me, how many times, I still can't walk away completely either. I think I sometimes feel that if I only try one more time, hold on another month, I'll trigger some magic change in them, and they will love me like they were supposed to -- just cause I was their child.
Do you think that your hesitation is similar? Or do you think that you really do want to move on, but fear her reaction? Or maybe the reaction within youself. (sorry, trying to understand better)
I find writing out stuff way easier than speaking. Until recently I only wrote to my T, cause I often can't summon words infront of other people. If you're comfortable writing out stuff then what if you and your T worked on writing out possible phone dialogues. So if your mom did call you could even have a little "cheat sheet" of sorts infront of you. You could come up with responses to things that might be said. If it wouldn't be too traumatic you could even get your T to read it back and forth with you - like a version of role playing. I don't know, maybe that sounds dumb. We did it in group treatment and it sometimes was helpful.
It's hard to not have a mother, even when you do (I hope you know what I mean) Until my ED T, and recently, a lady doctor I had been seeing, I had been terrified of all "adults" -- terrified of speaking around them. I wish your mother was more responsive to your efforts, cause it likely took a long time for you to work up the courage. I don't really know what else to say -- I can't move past the "still wanting" part myself.
Sorry if I said something dumb, it's really late and my brain is fried. Even though I don't know you yet, I know you are not worthless, no matter how your mom treats you.
Let me know if you get any closer to a decision about mailing your second letter.take care, ELaine :-)
poster:ElaineM
thread:674145
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/674164.html