Posted by antigua on August 5, 2006, at 14:06:37
In reply to Re: What do you guys think? » antigua, posted by Racer on August 4, 2006, at 15:01:03
> It sounds to me as though there's still some healing to be done, but I don't know that there's a missing piece from your memory, so much as a missing piece from your acceptance. It "feels" to me as though you're trying to find a reason, for something without a reason. It kinda feels to me that looking for that reason keeps the trauma active, while accepting that terrible things can happen for no reason at all -- scary as that is -- can maybe bring along the final healing. Does that make sense?,\<< It makes sense, but I'm not looking for a reason. The reasons of why the abuse occurred have been dealt with--a narcissicistic, cruel, sick father; an unavailable weak mother; nobody watching out for me, etc. I'm not looking for why. Why leads nowhere and I've certainly accepted the why.
> False memories can be devastating, and I would hate to find out that you've got more trauma to dig through because someone wasn't quite careful enough.
<<I appreciate what you're saying.
>
> I've got a kinda similar situation myself -- not hypnosis, but asking my T to refer me for psychological testing because of an obsession of mine. She refused: she said that it wouldn't stop my obsession, but it might make things worse. She said that I need to learn to accept uncertainty, that getting over the obsession would only happen when I worked through the stuff that led to it in the first place.<<I think this is partially why I am so upset. I've never been told before that I'm retraumatizing myself by trying to find my way through something that my very being tells me exists. It hadn't ever occurred to me that I couldn't eventually deal with this, but that's what my Pdoc is saying. I always had hope.
>>I know that sounds kinda opposite -- you're trying to find out what led to something, after all -- but I wonder if it's possible that you DO already remember it all, but can't quite accept that what you remember is "enough" to cause you this trauma? Does that make sense?
<<I'm don't think I'm trying to find out what led to something. I just know that something is there. it may be nothing; a little kid's memory that's mixed up with the abuse, and I'd be thrilled if it's nothing. But there are enough signs around this particular memory that I am only able to access it so far and then terror takes over.
>
> Whatever you decide to do, though, I hope it works out well for you.Thank you, Racer, for your comments. If you think my thinking is way out of line, let me know. This is a new concept for me and I'm trying to deal with it.
thanks,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:673596
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/674028.html