Posted by pseudoname on July 28, 2006, at 18:44:31
In reply to Re: apologies » pseudoname, posted by ClearSkies on July 28, 2006, at 16:27:50
I don't know if I should take up any more time in Antigua's thread to talk about me, but maybe a little more explanation would help.
As I'm starting to unbend myself from the emotional pretzel-shape I was twisted into by depression for so many years, I'm finding that I'm not taking account of all the changes that are going on in me. This is very new territory for me.
Without the constant overwhelming depression, I've lost a little awareness of other people. One might expect the reverse, but as a depressed person, I could easily put myself mentally into the place of anyone who was suffering. I didn't accurately understand them, necessarily, but at least I was vividly aware that real human suffering might be going on in a given situation.
Now with my own depression gone, that sort of automatic empathy seems gone, too. I may have to make myself stop now and deliberately consider others' feelings until that (I hope) becomes my default response.
The fact that the thread topic is a "button" issue for me is not an excuse for my brusqueness or presumptions, but its buttonness was a factor. Without depression as a sort of overwhelming counterweight to everything else, I can sometimes give other feelings too much attention now. I think that the aversive feelings that come up when getting a "button pushed" scares me into thinking that the depression is coming back and it'll crush me again if I don't go all-out to, you know, defend my button. That's a terrible way to react, but I just wasn't really aware that it was going on for me. I'm sorry.
I was not empathetic or considerate or respectful enough even by my own standards, and I really hope that Antigua & others (even all other Babblers, whom I included in my subject line; sheesh!) won't have to waste too much of their own time and energy on my account.
I also want to apologize to Daisy, who was also barraged by implication. I feel especially bad about that, looking over the post again. Sorry.
poster:pseudoname
thread:670899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/671538.html