Posted by ElaineM on July 1, 2006, at 9:22:04
In reply to Re: yesterday at the clinic **triggers** » ElaineM, posted by Tamar on June 30, 2006, at 20:31:10
Hi Tamar, I had alot riding on that meeting. I felt like something was going to happen, that something would come of it. Going to it was a weird mixture of fear, anxiety, and hope. I suppose that was a bit naive, but my brain was like, Everything's going to be fixed cause she's a woman. Pretty irrational and stupid - I think I just wanted something to put faith in, to get me there.
Intellectually I can understand the obligation to report. I do. It just leaves me, as one person, feeling pretty trapped. I felt bad for the woman too. She was skimming through all the possible instances where confidentiality would be breached, and when she got to the part about sexual abuse and relationships, and I stopped her and asked her to clarify, she froze for a few seconds. I guess she didn't expect to hear the type of questions I was asking.
I know that I'm not responsible for other clients directly. I know that's not what others meant. I understand that they want to give more proof for me to do something else. It's just too impossible for me with how things are right now.
My old T was amazing. She got me to learn how to speak, and kinda recognize when and what I'm feeling. It's hard to learn how to match feelings to words! Seeing her had time limits, that could not be changed, even if she had personally wanted to continue seeing me. (sorry, I can't explain it further) She was the one who sent me to the T I have now (i explained it in one of the posts above). I get pretty upset when I think of it that way. The thing that got me to come to see him in the beginning was that I kept repeating over and over in my head, She knows what's best, She wants me to do this. I wanted to try really hard for her, even though I was sooo nervous. That's why I could never tell her. She knows him. She'd know who I was talking about even if I tried to be vague about it. She checks in with me now and then (to get updates about my illness). I'm supposed to see my GP at the end of next week, but it will just be for physical stuff. I'm looking forward to that (in a twisted way). I missed her last time, and I just want to hear her talk a little.
Tamar, I really value your posts. But, take care of yourself too. Never feel weird about NOT posting, you have your own difficulties right now. And you've already said so many helpful things before.
Thanks for listening. ((((((Tamar))))))
EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:662694
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060623/msgs/663218.html