Posted by llrrrpp on May 16, 2006, at 14:57:46
In reply to Re: intrapersonal stress, posted by Racer on May 16, 2006, at 12:23:06
> Have you talked to her about this? I know that sounds overly intimidating -- or, that is, it would be for me -- but maybe getting that out between you would help?
Well, a month ago, I sent her an e-mail that I was incredibly depressed, and that I needed more constructive help on finding a job next year. She had said something to the effect of "you're really limiting yourself by only looking in one area" and she didn't realize that my priority was to stay near my family. This particular interchange caused a tremendous crisis, and I got out of if by sending the e-mail. She replied to the e-mail with much sensitivity, and said something to the effect of - i respect your priorites, we'll figure something out, we'll have to talk more about this. Since then we've had a truce, but my mental health continued to deteriorate. Sometimes I think I'm stronger, but today I got a double-whammy. I'm reeling. (see also post on Social from about 30 minutes ago).
> You don't have to tell her all of it, but maybe something like, "You know, I've been having kinda a hard time lately. I guess I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself, but lately I find that I'm avoiding you, too, because I'm so anxious about my work. I'm sorry, and I hope you understand that this is Doctoral Nerves." And then tell her what might help you. Maybe it's something like, "Can we meet regularly, just for a five minute update," or "how about we only meet once a month, with an agenda, so that I can feel more prepared," or whatever it would take?
These are good ideas. I will need to do some work in order to meet, however. She tends to blow off meetings anyways. Forgetting them, or double-scheduling them. Then I feel rejected. I think the e-mail might be the best way.
>
> If you can't do that, maybe make up a mantra that would help you deal with it -- "In order to get to be a thesis advisor, she had to complete her own thesis. She went through this, too."
>
A mantra- you mean something other than "i wanna quit, i wanna quit" Sorry I'm so pessimistic.> Or, just ignore everything I've said so far and know that you've got a lot of well-wishing here.
i won't ignore it, but I will let it ferment and adopt these strategies piecemeal as the occasion arises. And your well-wishes fall on open ears (and an open mind) thanks racer
poster:llrrrpp
thread:644700
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060505/msgs/644804.html