Posted by Damos on February 5, 2006, at 18:34:24
In reply to Re: ((((((alexandra K)))))))))))))) » muffled, posted by alexandra_k on February 5, 2006, at 1:53:00
Dearest Alex,
I can really understand your feeling fragile and fragmented at the moment. It's a big change, a life changing change, and it makes sense that parts of you are protesting and unhappy in a big way. I know I'd be torn in all kinds of ways in your shoes.
Whether you've particularly liked the life you've had there or not, it's been your life for a long time and so there is a sense of security and belonging regardless of whether you think it's been good, bad or indifferent. And the connections you have are part of that too. They might not be friends or whatever, but they are still connections, and ones that have probably been with you through some pretty tough times.
It's understandable that the move is raising all kinds of questions about how you have been, how you want to be and a whole lot else besides. Being scared would seem to me to be the most natural thing in the world. Honestly I doubt that I could do what you're doing.
I'm sorry you feel like you can't post right now. I know how much babble means to you, and how very much you mean to babble. Just be here how and when you can. Feeling unconnected is awful, There ae times when it is a physical ache. Just know that your connection to us goes beyond the boards. You're a part of us, here or not.
Alex, I'm basically a solitary person and one of the hardest lessons I've learned is that I am who I am and just because that's not like everyone else, and they don't understand it, it doesn't make me wrong or bad or defective or whatever. Being sociable by definition is being "friendly or companionable", and these take many forms and you are both of them. A large part of this comes from within you and acceptance of yourself as being worthy of friendship and companionship just as you are. Not the acceptance of others based on your being the way they believe you should be and doing the things they believe you should do. Context is everything and it took me a long time to learn this. You can't undo all the the things you've believed about yourself in the blink of an eye. It takes time. It takes time to be able to say that who you are is okay. Remember your life experience has made your wise beyond your years in a lot of ways and gives you a different perspective to others who have not shared that experience.
H*ll I don't know what I'm trying to say. Just know you are loved unconditionally and unreservedly by people here and that you can't disappoint us - ever. You're a wonderful friend and a joy to know and you may not realise it but your friendship has helped me be more 'sociable' and in the world than I thought possible. Thank you so much.
Take good care my very dear friend.
((((((((((Alex))))))))))
poster:Damos
thread:605035
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060131/msgs/606665.html