Posted by daisym on January 14, 2006, at 19:50:27
In reply to Re: Talking about anger » daisym, posted by littleone on January 13, 2006, at 0:00:38
> Aren't we supposed to own our reactions and protect our own selves from hurt?
I don't think I understand what you mean by this. Can you explain it more?
***What I meant by this is that when *I* get my feelings hurt by something someone has said or done, shouldn't *I* be able to explain to myself why they did it, if I can? For example: I asked my therapist what he did New Year's Eve. He said, "I went dancing with my wife." I responded that it sounded like he had fun and he said, "it really was. We had a great time."
OK -- First off - I asked him. Second -- My feelings that were hurt weren't rational. My first interpretation of it, when I was mad, was that he intentionally told me to be cruel, since he knew it would upset me. Of course that isn't true, and as soon as I was calmer, I recognized that. I worked it out on my own.
In talking it over with him, he said I should have told him right then and there that I was upset. But to me, that felt accusitory, and inappropriate. He didn't mean to upset me, *I* got upset. I didn't want him to feel defensive or apologetic when he didn't really do anything wrong.
Does that make sense? His take was that I might be wrong - I was making a lot of assumptions and I was very quick to say I shouldn't have hurt feeings, that it was wrong to feel hurt just because the other person didn't intend to hurt you. I'm not sure I see the difference yet.
Anger is confusing and hard to understand.
poster:daisym
thread:597312
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/599120.html