Posted by Racer on January 10, 2006, at 14:41:30
My T brought this up again, that I've experienced a huge amount of trauma in my life, and survived. I hate hearing that so much! I don't want to have been traumatized, I don't want to be 'a survivor,' I don't want to have all this stuff to overcome.
I don't mind doing the work. I don't mind how much it hurts. But I want to feel as though this is just something I have to do.
This isn't making sense.
Somehow, even though I know that there is Bad Stuff behind me, I want to feel as though I have put it behind me. I hate feeling as though I've been dragging it all along with me all this time. And even more, I hate not understanding why it upsets me so much to hear it from her.
I'm having a very tough time of it, and while I know that it's Good, because it's helping repair some of the damage, it's still terribly painful. It's good, in part because it means that I'm being pretty brave about getting into things that hurt like the dickens, but it's also got a lot of guilt, shame, general badness roiling around inside me. All my failures, including the failure to open up enough to get to the deeper stuff faster.
Anyone? Any comments? Especially if you've discussed why you object to hearing that you've survived trauma?
poster:Racer
thread:597607
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/597607.html