Posted by allisonross on December 14, 2005, at 10:10:34
In reply to mother daughter (long)**Trigger**, posted by B2chica on December 14, 2005, at 9:29:51
> ok, here it goes. *trigger*
((B2c))):
> we started talking about my 'mother' yesterday and it hit a nerve, an angry nerve and i told him i hated her touching me. he asked if she touched me this weekend and i said no, then he asked if she used to touch me and i paused then said (quietly) yes.
> but it's not like she made me do sexual stuff, but kinda humiliated me by always talking down about my body.Humiliation...is abuse.
> and the thing that happened that i just remembered monday after session was when i was young. i remember i wanted to get a training bra. all my friends had one but i wasn't exactly blossoming. well i told my mom and she said i didn't have anything to need a bra for yet. i told her people could see through my shirts (you know). and i remeber she made me unbutton my shirt and show her and she said i didn't have anything to need a bra for and maybe a little later on she'd get me one.
>
> i also remembered she'd do 'body checks'. before i'd get into the bath she'd prepare she had to be in the bathroom when i undresed and got into the tub.This was inappropriate; we all have a right to our boundaries; physical and emotional. She was abusing you by not allowing you to have your boundaries. Sounds like she had an obsession with bodies and cleanliness.
she would always say to make sure and clean my privates really well or she would, sometimes she'd do it to make sure i was clean.
This was sick; she sounds like she had some kind of pathological need to be "clean." She sounds like she had idea that our bodies were dirty. They are not.
Our bodies are ours and ours alone; they are to be respected; people make things dirty (because of their mental illness) that are not.
i remeber when i was young she'd do it hard, when i got older it wasn't as hard (or i just got used to it). she would also point things out if something looked funny, or i had a scrape or something. when i got to be a teenager she Always pointed out when i had acne. always saying my face was dirty. that i was greasy and should take better care of myself. that i didn't have to have acne if i washed my face once and a while. ...etc, etc..
Abuse and cruelty.
>
> i also remembered monday after session that she use to use a rectal thermometer on me all the time. now i know that in the old days they always used that but what i'm wondering is...i remember her using it till i was about 9 or so...is that unusual?Inappropriate and abnormal.
or is that normal?
> and maybe since my mom did that to me she also did it to my brother, and maybe that's why he always used to put toy thermometers and (other stuff) up there on me??Oh, Gosh.....sick; he was abusing you too.
>
> God i'm scared. please don't think i'm sick.You are NOT.. you did nothing wrong; your mother and brother were abusing you.
> but i have to know, i need to understand. and i'm too scared or worried to tell my T. should I?
These are the very issues you should discuss---you cannot even begin....to heal, unless you get this ugliness out.
are these things that i should tell him or should i be able to brush them off?
you cannot "brush off" abuse; it will be there, until you deal with it.
>
> ok, that's what i've remembered since mondays session. that's probably why i've been so tired. i went to sleep at 8:30 last night.
>
> feeling vulnerable, please be gentleI understand; was abused as a child by a mentally-unstable mother.
Be gentle with yourself; write down some stuff to tell your t, if it is too hard to talk about; just give it to him; he has heard it "all"---he won't be shocked.
Hugs and gentle thoughts; from (overcomer and wounded-healer), Ally
Just remember; little tiny baby steps....towards healing, and the first step(s) is talking.....about it. > b2c.
poster:allisonross
thread:588954
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588966.html