Posted by 10derHeart on December 12, 2005, at 22:16:44
In reply to Need Some Insight, posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
>> Lately reading this board has been making me anxious<<
Interesting. You're not the only one. I wasn't thinking of it as anxiety, but I suppose....it might be a form of worry and/or fear, which are the same. Yet I can't see what I'm worried or fearful about?
In fact, I keep almost posting a "taking a break" post, not because of any IRL thing, or feeling down (my usual reasons) but more to account for the fact I just can hardly reply to posts. And I know many times people worry, and ask, or think stuff that's not the case, so I keep thinking I ought to at least say I'm *leaving* for a bit, as my mind and heart seem to be partly frozen, and to have *left* to some extent already Hmmm...
Although, my number of replies is probably just as it always is. But inside, I feel unusually impotent, frustrated and even triggered. I say *even* because (no way to gauge or prove this, I know) I'd take a guess I'm one of the least easily triggered posters here. One topic always does it, but it rarely comes up. But lately, the thread on privacy and T's sent me reeling back in time to my ex-T. and our working through him joking with me about "stalking" him. (NEVER DID THAT, BTW!!) Had strong feelings yet couldn't post. Just got upset and "ran away" mentally.
And the discussions about sexual feelings, joking with T's....I just had so much to say....yet couldn't do it. I've been trying to put my finger on why....still trying.
This is not helpful, Daisy. This is just me thinking out loud why on earth now lately I've felt so odd and somewhat paralyzed as I'm reading here. Normally, it feels like "home" but lately more like I'm eavesdropping on something often rather....unfamiliar?? Beats me.
I have no answers, but I do like the others' ideas. With you, I guess one of the first things I thought of was the sexual aspect being on the board so very much. I know that can be a scary, difficult and confusing topic to get through together with your T., even with the skill and gentleness of yours. Wonder if you (we) may think sometimes on a surface level, we've been down that road, understand what it's all about, yet deeper down - not so much is "settled."
Maybe your subconscious is revisiting some old fears about the "sexual feelings and Ts" topic, or creating some new ones and the anxiety is a sign? Kind of like what orchid wrote, actually. Or not.
Well, reasons may wind up being different, but you're not alone in the uneasiness. Big help, huh? Dang it.
poster:10derHeart
thread:588469
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588531.html