Posted by muffled on November 7, 2005, at 22:27:40
In reply to Re: Thanks Guys. HELP??? » muffled, posted by Tamar on November 7, 2005, at 19:43:26
> > > Are you more depressed than usual?
>* Starting to be, but not so bad. I have had clinical depression. But its not like that.
> Well, knowing what it *isn’t* can be a good thing.*yeah. Always good to look at the good. Depressions really awful and so misunderstood.
>> I know what you mean. My T never gave me a diagnosis. I often thank him (in my mind) for that.
*Yeah, it can be a big deal. Good T.
> Was that the stuff about Dr Bob’s links to Nietzsche?
*Yes. It really freaked me. Then Dr.Bob wouldn't answer and I thot it must mean it was true that he thot that the stuff that was bothering me was good. He never did reply ever? Still feel a little bad bout that.
> Going exploring inside yourself can be very difficult. Maybe you’re pulling away from the things you don’t want to acknowledge. That would be understandable. Just try not to pull away too far… Take it slowly.
*Part of the problem is that I have very few memories of youngsterhood. Almost none. But this damn thing eating away at the inside of me....
>
> * I'm not normally such a nut. You'd never know it to see me in the schoolyard waiting to pick up my kids. I joke alot. I have SI off and on since early teens.
>
> I really don’t think you’re a nut. And SI is hard but not unusual… Sometimes I think it’s better than the alternatives… I’d probably be in prison if I didn’t SI…*SO glad you not in prison, I would die there.
*Yes. SI is not the end of the world. Its a very important survival tool. My T. understands that. But I goto find a better way, I'm trying w/my T, but I'm not good at talking. I got too many scars. I hate lying to my kids about them.
>
> I guess the aim is to get to a place where we feel SI is no longer necessary.*Thats what I want, but I can't seem to get there. I start to go so crazy. I wanto see it thru this time. I am tired of this quasi-life. I'm proly wrecking my kids somehow without realizing it. Maybe I'm better to just go for it and if I end up in hospital maybe I'll be out soon and it'll be ok? Oh but my kids...my kids, I love them and they depend on me so.
Ijust don't know. I'm so tired of the endless chewing. I'm a dry alcoholic(10+ years). I wonder if the alcohol stopped the chewing? Don't remember. Didn't know then, what I do now. I will NOT drink, cuz then I may as well be dead cuz I'd lose my kids. So I have to find a better way.
>
> When do you next see your T?Not until Thursday. 10 days from last appt. She had something on this Tues. which is my normal day. Last week I went with my husband so I didn't say much either then. Been a long time. I'm trying to hate her, but shes actually very nice.
>> Thanks Tamar.
Muffled.
>
poster:muffled
thread:576216
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/576587.html