Posted by happyflower on September 4, 2005, at 22:25:19
My abuser is gone, maybe not dead,she lives in the same town, but is gone from my life, from my mind. My mom is a stranger to me. The painful memories are no longer controling me. She is gone, the abusive memories will not ever be forgotten, but they no longer have control over my life. I no longer crave the love I have never recieved.
I can walk into a store, and not look over my shoulder afraid that if she sees me she will hurt me or abduct my kids. If I see her, I will see nothing. She is nothing to me anymore.
Will I visit her on her death bed? No, she is already dead to me. Will I visit her grave? No, why she means nothing to me, bad or good.
I guess the only credit is that she brought me into this world. But as a infant, child and teenager, she took away my happiness, sparkle in my eye that every child has, diginity, innocence, my love, made me a stone child .But this stone child has chipped away the outer shell with the help of my T and I am stronger than a diamond. I don't have to fear her, because she is not a diamond that can cut me, she is nothing but a vague memory. She is weak.
It has taken me 36 years to take back my life, thanks to therapy, I will have many more years of HAPPY memories that I will create.My childhood is gone, but in this case I am lucky I got out alive from it. Yes I am a survior, but now I want to thrive! Life can be a good thing, I am learning for the first time!
Good bye, my abusive mother, you are gone from my life, my thoughts, now I can start living for the first time, thanks to the help of my therapist. I no longer fear you, I don't need you, I no longer want your love, because you are nothing to me. You are nothing. Good bye.
poster:happyflower
thread:550784
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/550784.html