Posted by cricket on August 25, 2005, at 8:57:56
In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( » Dinah, posted by kerria on August 25, 2005, at 0:54:47
{{{{Kerria}}}}
> T tells me he likes things about me sometimes but his actions and lack of empathy betrays him every time i see him. i never met someone so unchanged by another person's trauma and heartache. it's re-tramatizing just to go there. i'm talking myself out of going.
> yes i wish he had a personality that demonstrated that he cared if i lived.
> i wish i were exaggerating.I understand.
So then it gets worse and worse because you just want him to feel just a tiny bit of what you're feeling, right?
And it always seems like he doesn't.
So then you start to fall apart more and more there and it seems like he cares less and less, right?
Therapy itself becomes this incredibly traumatic experience and the bad feelings themselves are in the room and still he stays cold.
Is it anything like that?
It was for me. For months it was.
But then something changed. I don't know what. Maybe I came to see my therapist's scowl more as one of pain than of anger or disgust with me. I think I might have seen him crying once. He tried to hide it, but then I had a dream about it and he halfway admitted it.
So it changed. There are still bad feelings sometimes but they are not swirling around the room so much and I don't hear myself screaming inside F*ck you so much.
I don't know what to say. I haven't figured it out either. But I wish he would make it better for you.
poster:cricket
thread:546039
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050824/msgs/546485.html