Posted by Deneb on August 4, 2005, at 20:32:55
In reply to Re: Projection? or something more sinister? » Deneb, posted by Racer on August 4, 2005, at 16:38:08
> Here's a question for you, though: what do you get out of it?
That is a very good question Racer. I've thought about this before but the truth hurts me, so I avoid facing the truth. The truth is that I think I have some self esteem issues. I find I feel better about myself when I'm with people who are not as smart as I am...it is pathetic but true.
> Obviously, since she has her degree and you don't, there's some difference. It's not intelligence, since you're smarter than she is, so it has to be something else... She finished it? That's my guess.The difference is that she doesn't freak out and skip her exams because of existential crises. The difference is that she studies hard and tries her best consistently. I tend to quit life when I'm anxious, depressed or just pain crazy and that happens all too frequently...leading to seemingly chaotic fluctuations in my GPA.
> If that sounds harsh, let me tell you a little bit about me that I don't like to tell: I never finished my degree. I was, as I recall, a junior. A junior with a 4.0 GPA, because none of my professors thought I deserved anything over an A. So, perfect -- but incomplete. And I'm ashamed of that.No, it is not harsh...it is the truth. I think I have much more to learn about what is important in life...I don't get it yet.
> Instead of worrying about the comparisons, can you allow her to be herself and you to be yourself? You're different, she's different -- and just allow it to be?
I know she is not better than me and I am not better than her. I have great difficulties with understanding other people. I think sometimes I don't know where I begin and end...I'm not sure I realize that the world does not change when I change.
> Also, hard as it is, you don't have to get superior grades in everything, every time. If you don't, you're still worth exactly the same -- your light will still reach the earth just as brightly.Thanks for reminding me of that. :-) I'm not sure where I got the idea that my self worth is measured in grades...it certainly wasn't from my parents (who only received a basic education).
> I hope that what I've written makes sense, and that your feelings aren't hurt by it. That really wasn't my intent, only to offer you the benefit of my experience.
It's makes some sense to me and I think that's good enough. :-)
I'm not hurt, I appreciate your reflections on this.
> (Oh, and another thing I've learned over the years: aloneness isn't as painful as the loneliness of not liking one's friends.)Perhaps I need to get new friends then.
Deneb
poster:Deneb
thread:537244
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/537616.html