Posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 18:07:04
In reply to My ex T hugely overestimated me.., posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 16:04:06
All this talk about my ex T - I am feeling like crap.. I am feeling like I am being a complete jerk to my husband.. but I can't seem to be able to stop it.. or stop feeling anything.. I don't even like my ex T nowadays.. I am past that stage.. there is only hurt and more hurt. I am trying to recover from that..
If I don't get it out of me, I won't ever recover.. I will end up keeping it in my mind. I don't know what is worse - to talk about my problem and get it out and hope for a cure, or to keep it all inside and try to be fair to my husband..
I so desperately want to be loyal to him.. But I just don't seem to be able to. Should I leave babble and stop what I am doing? Or should I continue to talk about my difficulties with my ex T - how long is it going to take till I make peace with it?? What if I never fall in love fully with my husband? I don't want to be in this half hearted way.. But I can't seem to think of a way out.. And for the past one month, I came so close to telling my husband everything - about my ex T - what I felt, about my transference, about the csa etc. I hope he can understand and forigve me.. But I am also afraid he will never understand me.. Even if he understands me, what will that change? Will I be able to be fully loyal to him??
poster:pinkeye
thread:531705
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/531782.html