Posted by Shortelise on July 18, 2005, at 19:13:05
In reply to me again - next session in 2 days, posted by Shortelise on July 16, 2005, at 23:19:31
we talked and talked. I said what I needed to say and he heard me. He said what he needed to and I think I heard him.
He doesn't bill when I walk out!! This is socialized medicine - I thought as long as I showed up for the session, he could bill. And maybe he can, I don't know, but he doesn't. I feel really guilty about that. Needless to say, this is not the first time I have walked out of a session. THe first time in a few years, yes.
He says he doesn't want to be the apologetic nurturer he was for so long, communicating on the wave length of my child self. He wants us to talk things through on a higher level - not exactly what he said but the inside of my head is like a washing machine with all those words and feelings and thoughts swishing in circles.
It's ok now. I feel better. I feel he did hear me, and that he understands, and I understand better.
I am so tired, want to just sleep, and let my dreams do some of the work for me. For the past five weeks, I have bee ignoring my dreams, barely remembering them, letting them slip away. And I want my mother, want to lean against the safety of someone who loves me, the way I smell, the way my hair curls, and who remembers my toes as tiny pink things she loved to kiss.
WOuld that there were perfect love.
There was something else really important that he said, but I can't seem to remember it. It was so important. I hate that, when I can't remember something because I may not quite be ready for it.
Ah, yes, he said he thinks that this is coming from a feeling of being abandonned, fear of it. I am so unaware of that, though one of you wise souls here said the same thing. Am I in denial about this? If so, why?
Thanks for bearing with me so kindly.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:528837
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/529837.html