Posted by cricket on June 1, 2005, at 14:03:37
Well I saw my therapist yesterday and I did tell him about the paper tearing.
Well first I told him I didn't want some of the voices to talk to him because I was afraid he would be offended by them.
He said, "Are you sure you're not confusing me with your mother?"
I think him hiding behind the old transference defense made me bold enough to tell him about the paper tearing incident.
And guess what, he says he doesn't remember, although he does remember the words I said (I don't believe you, I don't believe anything you say) to provoke the paper tearing. He started going frantically through his notes.
"That was in March, right? By the way, I thought that was some of our most productive sessions."
"No, it was last summer."
"Oh, I don't understand. I wouldn't tear anything up. Why would I tear up my own notes? I have them all here. Do you want to see?"So anyway, then I get his explanation of relationships in therapy, which I described in the Lott thread above.
It felt like a bit of a lecture. "You have to be willing to forgive offenses sometimes and have enough trust in me...." but I have to say his thoughts on the whole therapy process is interesting and I felt very strongly that therapy is a real calling for him, which was a nice feeling.
So I grudgingly agreed to let some of the voices speak next week, and a whole day has passed and I still haven't changed my mind so that's new for me.
Most significantly perhaps, this morning, I felt just the tiniest little glimmer, just a brief sparkle of happiness. It's been so long (well over a year now) that I almost didn't recognize it.
So for now we are still struggling through it even though I spent the whole weekend just longing for a therapist that I could talk to "honestly" as he exhorts me to.
But maybe you're right I just have to keep pointing out the things he does that make me shut down and then we'll see how he reponds.
Thanks for your continuing insight into all of this.
poster:cricket
thread:506312
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/506312.html