Posted by shrinking violet on May 21, 2005, at 12:42:22
In reply to Re: she sent me a card.....maybe I imagined it all, posted by pegasus on May 21, 2005, at 12:23:54
Thank you both. Since you both agree, I'm going to respond to both of you here, if that's all right.
I know, I know I do tend to take things the wrong way, interpret things negatively, etc. I did that with my T a lot, and she always tried to get me to ASK her first, before assuming to know what she was thinking or feeling because 99.7% of the time I was wrong (although I can't exactly ask her now, can I? lol).
I don't think it's *just* this letter/card though. It's everything piled up....the way she shut down last session, the emails/letters I sent her that she ignored (usually ones discussing our relationship in some way), the inconsistent way she'd react.....Not to say I didn't do the same. Not to say that I could have pushed a dialogue about these things when I had the chance, but I don't think I was ready then. I was too afraid of what she'd say, how she'd react, afraid that she'd push me away all together or terminate me earlier. But now I feel like there's this whole other part that we never acknowledged, that we never discussed, and I NEED to, I need to at least know that she feels it too, even if she won't or can't take it any further than that. But at the same time, I don't want to sound desperate or like I'm trying to find an excuse to hang onto her. I'm really not...This is genuinely disturbing me, a large part of me and our time together that isn't settled, that I can't quite close the door until I figure this part out. I just don't want open a Pandora's box, either.
Thank you again,
sv
poster:shrinking violet
thread:500434
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/500772.html