Posted by Susan47 on April 22, 2005, at 17:50:01
In reply to Re: Cricket and Susan47 Susan » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on April 22, 2005, at 14:21:20
I think it has to be a possibility. Why would I think I loved someone I don't really know? People don't really have auras, you can't really grasp a person's essential self in the matter of a few hours. You certainly can't fall in love, and as a client spilling out my guts, I was extremely vulnerable to that in any case. In effect I believe I HAD to fall in love with him, so that I COULD trust him. Does that make any sense? I had to convince myself he was lovable. You know, that wasn't hard to do. He's a therapist. He has certain attractive qualities. I still think of him at times, and it's almost like a physical presence, the memory of him just pervades my soul, I can't escape it and I don't want to. There's so much about him that's so incredible, so wonderful, I am not joking. It wasn't just that he was my therapist. But I have to move on. I can't live my life in despair. But what you were saying about my father, I have to think about that some more. Well, I would think about it but you know, really, I've done all the thinking I want to do about that person. Until I really have to. No, in the end it's nothing about my father that I saw in the therapist. I thought it was. It was a good excuse for the way I was feeling about him. I lied to him, that is the one thing I did lie about. I said You remind me of my father, you look like him.... etc. But it was not the truth, I had to say it to save face, though. The ugly little girl standing in the corner, the one on the swings, the one who's afraid to play "Boys chase the girls" because no boy would probably chase her. That's probably closer to the truth.
poster:Susan47
thread:487795
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/488060.html