Posted by 10derHeart on April 11, 2005, at 15:14:42
A few weeks ago, I had the following dream about my T.
I was in a grocery store, near the meat counter. For some reason, it was huge (minds OUT of the gutter, now...), i.e., it stretched from left to right, and in front of me, into infinity almost. I saw my T. walking toward me, on my left side. He started looking down into the meat case, like I was, and then I spoke to him. Don't know what I said, but he wouldn't answer. Totally ignored me. Oh, and he was wearing a long, black trench coat (gosh this now sounds a bit perverse ;-)) - not something I've seen him wear IRL. I had the distinct impression he had ALL the rest of his clothes on under this coat - thank goodness!
Anyway, it was as if I was invisible and he was deaf. No response. I think I even tugged on his coat sleeve to try to get him to look at me. In the dream, I remember thinking indignantly, "how rude!" Next, he walked away, to the left side of the store, and joined some other people, all wearing long coats, too. They started talking, and though they were extremely far from me, I could hear what he said (not the others). They were glancing my way, and looking sort of sad, or puzzled. He said to them, " Why do people always assume I'm still doing that?"
That was it. I told my T. the dream about 3 weeks ago. He was fairly interested. He's the type who will NOT interpret, but very much wants you to. (Well, if I push him hard, he might offer up a little bit, but he's really cautious about planting ideas in my head.) He seemed the most fascinated by the statement he made in the dream, and in fact had me repeat it twice so he could write it down word-for-word.
I told him this all was a no brainer. I even criticized myself for not bringing in a vague, weird dream we couldn't figure out (an uninteresting client=bad client, old issue) To me, it's obvious I was/am a little worried he isn't always listening to me the way I want, and also that he might suddenly cut down my sessions, or even decide to retire. And, as far as his statement goes, I think it was him indicating he's not doing therapy any more, or at least not for me, and wondering why I talked to him as if he was going to "answer" (that is, like a therapist would/should).
It made sense, as we'd already talked about me feeling a little disconnected from him, and why that might be. The thing I didn't like was that when I asked him if retiring was a possibilty (he's not that old, but had a bad accident a couple years ago - he doesn't know I know about - that I heard caused him to cut back his practice...so I think I'm wondering about all that..)instead of talking about it with me, he ignored the question. I think he thought it was rhetorical, the way I phrased it. I'll have to bring it up again, probably. Abandonment fears in full swing there - which is a central issue in my therapy anyway. Duh.
Wonder why, after not dreaming at all for almost a year, my brain would come up with such a silly, obvious scenario? Seems a bit useless, not to mention boring. Just thought I'd throw it out here. Any comments or observations by Babblers are more than welcome.
I have a T-related daydream (no, not THAT kind) I had just a few days ago that's even more obvious and ridiculous...maye I'll post that next....
poster:10derHeart
thread:482893
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/482893.html