Posted by daisym on April 10, 2005, at 22:58:45
In reply to Re: Long time no see! » daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on April 10, 2005, at 21:20:09
I totally get what you mean -- the shame of feeling anything "pleasant", emotionally or physically, is a huge thing to figure out. It is all so confusing. I tend to project feelings of judgement onto my therapist, like I *know* he thinks this or that, especially about how much of this is my fault. It makes it very hard to stay connected when you are hiding so much of yourself.
I'm glad you've been able to internalize your analyst. That must feel very good when you get scared or lonely.
I'm researching medications. I don't know what I want yet, but I am thinking short term. But I can't stay this low for these really long periods. It effects everything. I'm trying to make myself believe that I'm feeling better, that there is hope to not always be in such great pain and longing. I keep pulling back everything I want to dump out, knowing that all that does is scare people, including my therapist. I guess the hope lies in the medications. 'cause something has to give soon.
I'll check in after Tuesday.
poster:daisym
thread:480204
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/482622.html