Posted by daisym on March 17, 2005, at 20:06:26
In reply to (so very) afraid to see T, posted by shrinking violet on March 17, 2005, at 16:27:25
Sometimes when I feel like you are feeling, it helps to remember that I'm afraid of opening up to the pain again, to the memories and to the loss of what never can be. What I long for, that need for my mommy, is unfulfillable. And my therapist is really honest that he will never fill up that need for me. But in his office, I'm fully aware of the need. And temporarily he makes me feel better. And leaving is excruciatingly painful, especially right now. So sometimes I don't want to go, because I don't want to leave. Does that make sense?
I know you have other issues with your therapist and it is very complicated. But I guess ultimately you have to ask yourself are you avoiding her to avoid your pain, or are you going because of some obligation to her? It makes sense that you would feel less disrupted when you are closed down and not sorting through stuff. But you have to ask yourself why you went into therapy in the first place and if those things are resolved, (along with any new things that might have popped up) then perhaps this is the time to step back. If reading that makes you gasp, hmmm...maybe it isn't time.
Whatever you decide, I'm sorry you are having a tough time.
poster:daisym
thread:472171
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/472260.html