Posted by Skittles on December 7, 2004, at 0:44:43
In reply to Writing for my Therapist, posted by Skittles on November 28, 2004, at 14:41:40
Well, today I finally gave it to her. After carrying it with me for four appointments. She responded perfectly. There isn't anything I can think of that I would have liked to hear that she didn't say. She covered it all. I'm feeling really, really good about things at the moment. But at the same time, I am scared. The fear will probably take over at some point - and it may be sooner rather than later. But that's okay, because right now feels great!!
She said she didn't think the dependency was bad at all. She sees it as a sign that I am building trust. She explained that a huge part of what we are doing together is to help me learn to trust people. And that it makes sense to her that my neediness is directed toward her right now. This was wonderful for me to hear because I had been worried about that. I didn't know how much importance she placed on the actual relationship. It helps to know we are both on the same page.
She said that if I'm thinking about calling her, then I should call her. Again, it makes sense to her that she is the person I want to call. She said that, yes, having other people I want to call is a goal. But right now, that's all it is. Just a goal. She doesn't expect me to be there yet and I don't even have to be thinking about it right now. It's okay to be just with her. I asked for ground rules. She said if I was suicidal, she certainly wanted to hear from me. But she also said that if I just needed to hear her voice, to feel grounded, she wants to hear from me then too, even if it's late at night. Or if I have a decision that I would like her help with. She said she realizes I have a life the days I don't see her and if something important comes up, I don't have to wait. She explained what would happen if I called during the day, versus after hours when I would get her service. During the day, I'm to let the secretary know whether I need her pulled out of session, to call between clients, or whether it can wait until the end of the day. So really, no rules. It was what I needed to hear, but I was really hoping for something more like, "I'd prefer you didn't call after 10pm. Saturdays are okay, but please give me Sunday for my family." I'm comfortable with rules, but maybe that is part of my problem.
She assured me that I would not wear her out. That I need to learn that my needs are normal and it's ok to ask that they be met. I told her I was still afraid that she was just saying that and that later there would come a point where she would change her mind. She said she will always try to reassure me with her words, but that probably I'm going to have to try it out some before I can really believe it. Oh, and back to the calling thing. She said that she would never think anything I called about was trivial. That if it was important to me, it was important to her.
I'm sorry I've gone on and on. I am in tears after writing it all down. I can't help feeling that it's just too good to be true and that my heart will end up broken. It's all so different and scarey.
poster:Skittles
thread:421378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/425510.html