Posted by antigua on October 13, 2004, at 15:48:40
In reply to Teens and Abandonment (long), posted by fallsfall on October 13, 2004, at 12:01:22
I'm sorry that you're hurting so bad. I'd like to help, but all I have are words.
In a semi-sober moment, my mother, who had six kids (had, not raised), once warned me about my own children, "Don't let them hurt you. They'll hurt you if they can." I thought it was the oddest comment coming from a mother. I never thought about them hurting me deliberately.
But that was before I had a teenager. Here you are supposed to rejoice because you have done your job well--she's ready to soar on her own, but it hurts. For me too, it hurts because I put so much emphasis on every little thing that's a left-over hurt from my own sad life. I mean, my son should treat me like a queen because he has had a very stable life and not a devastating chaotic one like I did. He should be falling over w/appreciation. But they never see it that way; they just see the life they've led, like we did before them.
You can separate yourself out. I had to keep telling myself that this morning when I was in a state because my son was taking the PSAT today and I wanted him to do really well. I mean REALLY well. I thought what's up w/this, why does it matter so much? It's just a test, he's a good test taker, I know he's smart, blah, blah, blah...
But my brother and sister were National Merit Scholars (and I wasn't) and I want my son to be one. Totally unreasonable. I really resisted nagging him about the test.
I know I will have a terrible time letting go, too.
Sorry to turn this into me, me, me... but you seemed said and I wanted you to know that you aren't alone.
best,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:402659
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/402731.html