Posted by Poet on October 2, 2004, at 12:19:08
If I hear *safe* and/or *trust* one more time I will scream.
I know therapy is safe, I know I should trust my therapist, I know, I know, I know...but I just can't open up about certain things. In the last session she told me that I don't even trust her 50 percent. She's right.
Things didn't go much better with pdoc this week, either. I was honest and told him that I'm more suicidal than I was a month ago. He launched into have I told my therapist, what are we doing in therapy, do I think she's helping me, etc. He said he was going to call her, but I talked him out of it. I promised to stay (SCREAM) safe.
He said that I need to let someone help me. T says that I need to let her get close to me. I am fully aware that I can't get through this alone, but I need to be independent. I put up walls between me and anybody who tries to get inside.
I don't want him talking to her as I feel compelled to protect her; the problem isn't her, it's me. Yes, I know this is transference, but I would have trouble opening up to anybody. I don't want to do therapy with pdoc (which is what he wants me to do.) I'm afraid that he's going to put me in the psych ward, but that would be a waste as I wouldn't talk to anybody there, either.
I can't get up the courage to write down all the painful stuff and let my T read it. Maybe if I made her promise to rip it up in front of me when she's done?
Help.
Poet
poster:Poet
thread:398271
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/398271.html