Posted by Dinah on September 21, 2004, at 22:12:06
In reply to It still hurts a lot, posted by pinkeye on September 21, 2004, at 13:42:36
I figure feelings are feelings. I deal with people at work that I care for a lot. We don't hang out, there may be age differences. But I honestly want the best for them, and care what happens to them. Others, not so much. I may treat them similarly, in a work context, but my feelings are real and they aren't cookie cutter.
The therapeutic relationship may be prescribed by rules. But every single relationship is prescribed by rules. These are just different rules. And we may be paying for their time. But the caring is real. We can't buy it. It's either there or it's not. They feel differently, I'm sure, for each client. And differently for short term clients than long term ones. If it were a purely professional thing, they'd feel the same way about each client. And I really really doubt that's true. Any more than it's true that I care about all my work associates the same.
So they aren't going to marry you, or hang out with you, or go to your wedding, or think of you hour after hour.
But they will know Pinkeye as Pinkeye, and they will care about Pinkeye very specifically as Pinkeye within the therapeutic relationship - at least in long term therapy. Just like we care about each of our friends differently or each of our work acquaitances differently. The trick for me was in finding a therapist whose unique feelings for me as Dinah could be largely positive. :) And it took a long time before I believed that his feelings were largely positive - not just a professional veneer covering largely negative feelings. Or maybe it took him a long time to develop largely positive feelings. Something like that.
Anyhow, I struggled with it for a long time. And what helped me figure it out more than anything was this post from gg.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040303/msgs/321437.html
It still pinches from time to time, but not that often and not nearly as hard as it did.
poster:Dinah
thread:393371
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/393508.html