Posted by caraher on September 6, 2004, at 18:36:01
In reply to Re: confession regarding therapist... » Pandabear, posted by Skittles on September 6, 2004, at 17:05:41
Hmmm... I think Skittles and Panda are talking about significantly different motivations. Skittles' investigation seems motivated by a desire for more background on T. A lot of that info seems like stuff you could actually just ask about in an initial visit - are you married, do you have kids, my religion is X and I don't want a T who might not work within the framework of these beliefs. Some therapists might refuse to answer some of these questions but they're all pretty natural and reasonable questions to have.
But Panda wants T to be a friend. That's an understandable desire, especially once you've formed the kind of necessarily intimate bond you have with your T. I won't condemn that desire for a moment - in fact my heart aches for you.
But... even though you are not a stalker you certainly acknowledge "stalker-like" behaviors. (Otherwise there'd be no need for the disclaimer!) I don't know whether or not you should tell her about this. But I think it does constitute a kind of breach of the patient-T relationship, in that the T does have the right to privacy, and to choose what to disclose about herself. If there's something you feel you have to know about her ask yourself if you'd feel comfortable just asking her. And if not, think about *why* not. If you wouldn't there should be a strong presumption that you should not engage in your own private investigation...
In the interest of full disclosure, I've Googled my T, mostly to see what her research was, and checked to see if her home number was listed in the phone book. (It wasn't, at least not under the name I know her by.) I like her but I don't spend any time wishing she were a close friend...
You could probably broach the topic without "confessing all" by frankly admitting your wish that you could have a friendship relationship with her. You could then have a discussion of what is and is not possible and, more importantly, talk about how to manage your actions in light of that. This is really all I think you need to do, because it's the root of the behavior you're rightfully hesitant to describe.
poster:caraher
thread:387227
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/387313.html